THE TRUTH ABOUT DATING IN 2018

I've NEVER been one to mince words, so I certainly won't start now. Come to think about it, that's probably one of the reasons why I'm single. Dating in 2018 so far

 

 

 

 

 

As women we are constantly being judged by what we say, what we don’t say, how we look, how we act...it’s all a big game. And to be perfectly honest, the only games I’ve ever been good at are board games, and Nintendo. (You up for a two player face off of Mario Brothers)?

 

I am never going to conform to this “game” of dating that society has made the absolute norm. It gives young girls and women the false idea that we aren’t good enough being our honest, authentic selves and I’m sooo over it. So I’m here to lay out what it’s like dating in this crazy hamster wheel of sorts. You can let me out of the wheel. Being dizzy isn’t my idea of fun.

Have you ever met someone and the conversation flowed so naturally? You went from messaging on a dating app to texting to a phone call. So vintage, right? (I live for the phone call)! You start off sharing pleasantries, music taste, job descriptions, weather talk (can you believe how cold it is?), and then the conversation moves into a "serious" direction. "Have you ever been married? Do you have kids? Would you ever want to get married again and have more children? When was your last relationship? Why did you get divorced ?" (if you don't mind me asking). And so on, and so forth.

 

And generally it's the GUY who begins this line of questioning in the first place, so naturally it's a safe way to dig a little deeper and find out why he's divorced, and if he wants to pass on his adorable genetics again. (Too soon)? God forbid you let him know that you're a 34 year old woman who dreams of being a wife and mother one day, and want to make sure that VERY important commonality is on his radar.

 

Seriously bro, relax, don't flatter yourself, I didn't ask you to start ring shopping (yet). JUST KIDDING, SERIOUSLY I'M KIDDING. In fact, I've NEVER looked at rings or hinted at anything, and truthfully I might be one of the only women who don't even know what shape and style stunner I'd like to have wrapped around my ring finger. So back to the "rules"...

Play it cool, well not too cool because he might think you’re aloof and uninterested. Make sure to compliment him, but not too much. Don’t you dare call him. Sit by your phone and wait for him to make the first move. And if he calls, let it go to voicemail, wait a halfhour to call him back (you have to be mysterious and uninterested and whatever you do, don’t be eager!), then call back and pray that he asks you out. He did! (Insert backflip and cartwheel). Cause why would you be anything less than thrilled to date HIM?


Prep for date, (curly or straight hair), nothing too revealing (come on, you’re not THAT type of girl), apply natural makeup, get to date and go along for the ride.
On the other hand, just sit still, bat your eyelashes (they better not be fake), smile (your teeth better be perfect) and nod your head, but not too much because then he’ll think of sex and you don’t want him to view you as an object, but you want him to want to sleep with you, so just sit there, look pretty, don’t talk and see if he calls you for a second date.
Ok, perfect! Are you f*cking kidding me? It is 2018 people-wake up!


It is absolutely baffling to me how progressive we are as a culture, as a nation, on certain topics, but when it comes to dating, we are literally in the Stone Age. We are powerful, independent (be needy enough so he feels like a man), strong women, who support ourselves, pay our bills, provide a roof over our heads and food on our tables, yet we live in some prehistoric time, where we are told by dating coaches, videos, podcasts, magazines, movies, etc. everything we should and should not be doing to impress the men we date and keep them interested (don’t act interested, remember)?

 

I am yet to discover countless websites teaching men how to court and win over women. WHY do we need a “rule” book, a manuscript, or a guide book on how to do something that should come so naturally to us as human beings? Don’t we all want to find someone who we jive with? Someone to laugh with, cry with and enjoy life with? I’d say yes for both sexes (but don’t you dare say that) or you will be GHOSTED. 


And just as quickly as you ordered that Domino's pizza, your potential love interest has swiped right and found himself a new conquest. One who he hopes will be the perfect combination of mystery, mixed with natural beauty, perfect teeth, amazing wardrobe, lady in the streets, freak in the sheets - that he can “hunt” and “chase” like some sort of wild creature grazing in greener pastures. 


Now of course by this point, aka, all three dates, a string of text messages and a few phone calls, a guy thinks they know enough about you, or shall I say EVERYTHING about you to conjure up his evaluation so he can decide if he chooses YOU to proceed to the next round and get the proverbial red rose (Chris Harrison, you feel me)?

Why is it that men can say WHATEVER they want (your name would be perfect attached to my last name), but God forbid women say anything remotely "serious" or of value, watch out now because men will run for the hills! Poof! Gone! Ghosted!

And if you're confident, you might as well get ready to be the "crazy cat lady" for the rest of your life. 

I have ALWAYS encouraged my friends and young girls to stay true to themselves, be unapologetically you, and the "right" man will realize how rare you are and never make the mistake of risking losing you for another pretty face. 

And if it makes me sound “crazy” to believe in romance, chivalry, organic connections where a man courts a woman and doesn’t run for the hills at the first sign of her showing interest in him (how dare you act like you like him), then I’ll wear "crazy" like a badge of honor.


Stop making excuses for men. If they like you, they’ll call you. And how about this for a thought...if you like him, call him! End of story. Consistency is key with me. You want to go a few days without talking to me, go a couple more if you enjoy that type of high risk gambling. See where that takes you. Here's the truth about me as a dater: If I’m into you, you’ll know if, and if that scares you off, then excuse me while I hold the door for you.

Game over. 

xo HZ

has proven to be just like dating in 2017... a living nightmare! And I do not say that lightly. Oh social media, dating websites, swiping left (oops I meant right), ghosting, shall I go on? Oh you bet I will! (Warning: real talk ahead for my fellow single ladies AND men...)